What the Hell Are They Feeding the Girls in Bayswater?

We were having a look through our Bayswater line-up recently, strictly for quality-control purposes, obviously, when something became impossible to ignore. What the hell are they feeding the girls in Bayswater? Somehow we've ended up with what might be one of the bustiest collections of women in London.

We started counting and things quickly got ridiculous. There's Luiza, our "Naturally Busty Babe", followed by Mona, who takes things up a level as "Naturally Mega Busty". Alma is naturally busty and curvy, Joy is naturally busty, while Rosetta and Chloe are both naturally super busty. Throw Micky into the mix as another busty babe and we're starting to wonder whether Bayswater is experiencing some kind of highly localised boob phenomenon.

But What If Boobs Aren't Your Thing?

First of all, are you feeling okay? Secondly, don't panic, because our Bayswater escorts aren't exclusively designed for gentlemen with an appreciation for spectacular cleavage.

If your tastes lean towards slim and leggy, there's 25-year-old Victoria, described as a "Slim and Tall Hottie", while Leisha is another tall stunner carrying our A+ badge. At the other end of the scale there's 20-year-old Clody, who is slim, petite and precisely the sort of woman who might make you forget what you were planning to say when she opens the door.

The international selection isn't exactly disappointing either. There's 23-year-old Eloise, an exotic Latina newcomer, alongside Viola, a sexy 25-year-old Brazilian and another recent addition to Peachy. Apparently we haven't just been hoarding boobs in Bayswater. We've been collecting temptation from around the world.

Calling All GFE Fans

Sometimes you don't just want a gorgeous woman. You want a gorgeous woman who somehow makes you feel like you've suddenly become considerably better at dating. This is where the Bayswater line-up starts getting dangerous.

Yana is billed as "The Ultimate GFE", which admittedly sets the bar fairly high. Our gorgeous new girl Lidia is another GFE option, while curvy Polly brings her own take on the girlfriend experience. There's also blonde Donna and Brazilian newcomer Viola, and if brunettes, blondes and Brazilians haven't confused you sufficiently, Deepika is a stunning Indian GFE who comes highly recommended.

Essentially, if GFE is your weakness, browsing the Bayswater page may require adult supervision.

The "Oh, She Looks Fun" Department

Then there are the profiles where just a few words tell you everything you need to know. Izzy is described simply as "Curvy and Naughty", which seems to cover the important points without requiring an essay.

Monalisa is "Open Minded" and has great feedback, a combination of words likely to make plenty of visitors investigate further. Alessia comes highly recommended, while 21-year-old Darcy is one of the younger women currently in our Bayswater line-up and already carries our "Highly Recommended" tag.

This is where browsing becomes complicated. You arrive thinking you know your type, but twenty minutes later you've opened eight tabs and your "type" apparently now includes tall girls, petite girls, blondes, Latinas, Brazilians and a woman whose introduction essentially consists of "Curvy and Naughty". So much for having a preference.

We May Have Created a Selection Problem

The problem with the current Bayswater line-up isn't finding someone attractive. It's choosing who catches your attention most.

You might start with Luiza, Mona or Rosetta because curves are your weakness. Perhaps you're firmly a GFE man and Yana catches your eye instead. Then you spot Lidia, take a look at Viola and somehow end up reading Deepika's profile. Forty-five minutes have disappeared and you've achieved very little except discovering that your taste in women is considerably broader than you previously realised.

Welcome to Peachy Escorts.

With more than 20 women currently appearing in the Bayswater selection, there's a considerable range to browse, from petite and slim to tall, curvy and spectacularly busty. Add blondes, brunettes and women from across Europe and further afield, and sticking to just one particular "type" becomes increasingly difficult.

Is Bayswater London's Bustiest Escort Hotspot?

We don't have sufficient scientific evidence to officially declare Bayswater London's bustiest escort hotspot, although we're more than willing to continue the research.

What we can say is that our current collection has a very definite weakness for curves. Throw in the GFE girls, petite hotties, tall beauties and some seriously tempting newcomers and we've somehow assembled one hell of a line-up in W2.

That's also why we're not going to bore you with the usual Bayswater sales pitch. Yes, Hyde Park is lovely. Yes, Queensway has restaurants. Yes, Paddington is nearby. But let's be serious: nobody reading an article about escorts in Bayswater suddenly thinks, "You know what I'd really like to hear more about? The local transport infrastructure."

You're here for the women, and fortunately Bayswater isn't exactly short of them. Beautiful women, curvy women, petite women, tall women, blondes, brunettes, Latinas, Brazilians, Eastern Europeans and one frankly suspicious concentration of enormous natural boobs.

So if you decide to take a quick look at the Bayswater girls, consider yourself warned. You might go in knowing exactly what you want, but don't blame us if you emerge 45 minutes later with 17 tabs open and absolutely no idea who to choose.

It's a difficult job, gentlemen, but somebody has to do it.